Women Are Stronger Than Me
No one ever explicitly told me that women were inferior to men. It’s not like an older man sat me down one day and said, “Son. Men are better than women in every way. Smarter. Stronger. More capable. This is the truth, and I want you to never forget it.” Sometimes words don’t need to be said; actions speak louder than words ever could. But somewhere in my childhood, this nebulous thought was ingrained into my mind. I’m afraid to admit that, but it’s true. And I’m afraid it’s true for many men.
Perhaps it was the ‘women are the weaker vessel’ verse used out of context. Maybe it was the “don’t be such a girl” remark that is made when a boy starts to cry. Being called the obscene “P” word due to failure is a fear that lurks in the mind of every junior high boy. Those “You wearing panties today?” and “Dude. You need a tampon?” jokes actually convey a much deeper heart issue. To a ten year old boy, jokes like that leave a lasting effect. And yes, it starts that early. Regardless, from the church to the schoolyard and from the music I listened to and the movies I watched, I heard these comments often. They made an impact.
I’m a Christian man. I love God and I love others. In the eyes of the world, I’m a man’s man. I’m taller than 99.98% of the people in our country. I’m an athlete. I love steak, rock and roll, and cold beer. I drive a truck. People call me “boss”. If I’m being honest, I can beat you up, that is unless you’re one of those unassuming Kung fu black belts or a collegiate wrestler. You get the point. I’ve always seen myself as stronger than others, especially women.
But I believe the women in my life are much stronger than I am.
Because of my preconceived ideas, I never thought of women as strong. It just never crossed my mind. I’ve never even considered thinking about this. But two people showed up in my life to enlighten me to the beautiful power of the female.
I’m talking about my wife and the single mother.
I’ve seen the strength of my wife. I am married to an extremely capable and intelligent woman. Seeing her strength, work ethic, and drive on a daily basis is simply impressive. Her wisdom, perseverance, and kindness are character traits worth emulating. She is the antithesis of weakness. I’ve watched my wife give birth and pray over our still born child. She pushed me to visit our adopted son in prison every week he was there. She initiated hard conversations with her strong-willed father, exhibiting honor every step of the way. She cleans up our kid’s poop and vomit without thinking twice. I’ve stood by as she dealt with postpartum depression, anxiety, and the weight of caring for a family of five. She has picked me up when I’ve fallen down and nursed my inner man back to health when it has been attacked. Men have valued my wife solely on her looks and the size of her chest. She fought through singleness, resisting the lie that she only matters if she’s married and has kids. She has an opinion on important matters, but so often others muzzle her voice. No one has asked her what her dreams are. I’ve seen her fight through the debilitating lies that she doesn’t have anything to offer, she has little worth, and her primary role is in the background and as a support to me. And yet she doesn’t complain. She continues to serve and love. She fights this silent war with honor, strength, and courage.
I’ve been introduced to the strength of a single mother. I’ve met a lot of single mothers who have given up their hopes and dreams so their children can experience theirs. No one sacrifices more than a single mother. Playing both the role of mom and dad, she comforts and nurtures one minute while disciplining and providing the next. She is tired, but she never stops. She works a ten hour shift at work and comes home to work a six hour shift at home. There is never a day off for a single mother. She has no time for sickness or rest or self care. She gets paid less than most and works more than most. If she is a person of color, that’s two strikes against her in the eyes of some. No one tells her “good job,” and she rarely hears “you are appreciated.” All the while, her children need something that she just cannot provide. They need the presence of a father. And she needs something else that they can’t provide. She needs support. And despite all the obstacles, she keeps on. No one goes to the funeral when the single mother’s dreams pass on from her heart. She boldly marches on through the fog of judgment, isolation, and fear.
The enemy wants to derail the single mother. He knows if he takes her out, her children will soon follow. He wants to overwhelm her with lies and attack her identity. He wants to destroy her self-confidence and make her believe she has no worth. This world is harsh to a single mother. People assume the reason why her kids are late to school is because she’s lazy. They conjure up this idea that her children would be better if only their mother would do more. They judge how she frivolously spends her money if her son has a new pair of expensive shoes and judge how she doesn’t know how to save if her son has an old worn out pair of shoes. People treat her more like a project than a person. They want to give her advice on how to better her situation, as if a book on motherhood will help her with the housework and childcare. All of this takes takes a toll on the single mother. Deep down, we all care what people think to some degree. We all want to hear praise and affirmation.
There isn’t a doubt in my mind that these women are ten times stronger than I am, and it’s time we as men start giving honor and praise to the women in our life. It is time to pay attention to the careless phrases we say to each other. The crass joking and inappropriate comments must come to an end, for it is our wives and daughters who are enduring the ultimate insult. We must be better than locker room talk. We must pay attention to the media, as the shows we watch and music playing in the background heavily impact our mindsets regarding women.
I want to view our women as precious daughters full of power and worth. I want to see all women as Jesus sees them. I want to treat them with honor and respect, for our women are the most valuable commodity on earth. I want this for my wife and my daughter and for every woman to come in my generational line.
We may be physically stronger than women, but we are missing out if we transfer over that advantage into every area of our lives. Our women have much to offer and, in many ways, they can do it better than we can. The question isn’t whether they can do it, the question is will we empower them to do it? Will we continue to suppress and oppress God’s daughters or will we unlock the cage and let our women soar? Will we allow the disrespect and dishonor towards our women to continue in the name of “I was just kidding“? Will we sit silently as our brothers sexually degrade our sisters, or will we take a stand?
Men. This is a call to us. The Lord wants to unleash his women and our mindsets, perceptions, and words will either help or hinder their freedom. It is our choice. Choose wisely, for our sons are watching closely. Choose wisely, for it is our wives and daughters who will pay the ultimate price for your decision.
